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Published by Muriel Haber, Secrets For Successful Change: Your Silent Partner, is devoted to learning to live effectively and productively in today's fast paced, ever changing, double boiler, pressure cooker world. Its purpose is to help you through the changes you must face. 'The way things are is not the way thing have to be.' -- Muriel Haber
Welcome
Welcome to the first issue of my e-mail newsletter SECRETS FOR SUCCESSFUL CHANGE: YOUR SILENT PARTNER. Happy New Year wishes to all of you. For me, this feels like a wonderful way to begin a New Year. Not with a resolution, but with a very positive action which I've wanted to do for some time now. And by the way, some of the research shows that the majority of resolutions are not kept. Actions, on the other hand, well, need I say more? Each month, you will receive another issue. The initial purpose of this ezine is to help implement some of the ideas and goals expressed on my website. It will usually consist of a message from me, an article by me and sometimes an article by another author. I will be offering ways to help you deal more easily with life's unexpected, unwanted and often unacceptable changes. I hope that by reading my publication you will find support and perhaps a feeling of camaraderie. Any methods I've used when I've had to deal with seemingly intolerable situations will be available for your consideration. What will work for you may be very different from what worked for me or for anyone else. But I'll share with you what I have learned. One of my goals will be to guide you beyond the obvious. If you like, I will be the ' Silent Partner' that many of you are lacking. I invite you to e-mail me at mailto:Muriel@HaberResources.com with any suggestions, questions, and topics you would like me to cover. I am also interested in any comments you have about this publication. Warmly,
Depending on when you registered, some of you have already received the following letter. For those of you who haven't yet read it, I'm including it here. Secrets for Successful Change: Your Silent Partner I'm Muriel Haber, founder of Haber Resources International Inc, and the purpose of this publication is meant to keep you in touch with ideas and possibilities that will help to ease the tensions of living in an ever more complex world. In our lifetimes, we have seen the impossible become possible and the dream turn into reality. But with all of the wonders that have been achieved and are now available, many of us are confronted by more complex situations than we were ever prepared for. Whether due to demands on our personal relationships, or as a result of the pace and competition of our business world, many perfectly healthy and intelligent individuals find themselves overwhelmed by the ever-increasing expectations placed on them. Cultures have changed, families have physically moved apart, and even friendships have modified due to the modern world epidemic - a shortage of time. A coach is sometimes referred to as a Silent Partner who is there to help guide the client toward a goal. Together they arrive at the finish line and the client reaps the benefits. Through articles, discussions, and other relevant, or just plain interesting, tidbits of information, you will learn some of what I discovered during my journey through many life-changing events. Through this ezine and some of the interesting things you will discover on my web site, you too can get past the maze that we so often get lost in on our journeys. Once you travel the path and wind up on the other side you will experience the clarity that comes from freedom of fear, the sense of accomplishment that is part of going forward and the peaceful pride of discovering new and exciting possibilities for your life.
On my desk is a list of topics waiting to be written and included in my ezine issues. Someone asked me why I picked the subject of loss to be my very first article in this introductory ezine. I had to think long and hard, because I didn't really know the answer myself. It took awhile, but this is what I realized. In our culture there are certain areas and incidents we experience which automatically invite concern, sympathy, understanding and help from others. If the situation that has saddened you isn't on that list - don't necessarily expect support. The obvious areas might be tragedies: the death of a child, or a mate, divorce, serious life-altering illness. Most people who experience the loss of possessions, people, income and many other kinds of heartbreak can expect support from their families, their friends, their peers. It is taken for granted that people will extend themselves, go out of their way, to understand the suffering person. Others will usually offer the degree of distraction which makes it possible to begin the process of healing. But what about people who suffer for seemingly quite minor reasons? Or worse yet, for events others might consider great good fortune? Their fears, their pain do not elicit the unquestioning support of their families and friends.In fact, they are often berated for displaying fear, anxiety, and sadness. Any sign that they are not satisfied or even delighted with the impending event can label them ungrateful, unappreciative or even unbalanced. And now the unfortunate ingrate is judged. Rather than support and understanding from the group, the person is often saddled with the additional anxiety-provoking response - Guilt. Guilt at being unhappy, scared, lost and helpless, wondering if perhaps they are truly as inadequate as they have been made to feel. A client, who I will call Helga, had often expressed her unhappiness at being forced to live in a cramped city apartment with her husband and their children. Anyone who has experienced city/apartment living can certainly understand her discontent. Sitting in the park with other mothers and their children, the women commiserated with one another, all trapped in the same situation. They exchanged ideas about coping, and empathized completely with their fellow-sufferers. Finally, Helga's fortunes changed. Excited and thrilled, she told her friends in the park that she and her husband had found a wonderful, spacious house in a suburb within commuting distance. The backyard was already fenced in, child proof. The sellers were leaving them the swings and seesaws. There was a great pool. All she had to do was pack, pick up, and go. As moving day drew closer, Helga became noticeably more quiet, even sullen. Her previous enthusiasm was gone; she seemed somehow shut off, quiet and very much inside herself. When I finally found a way to get her to discuss what was bothering her she admitted that her previous enthusiasm had dissipated. She felt so embarrassed by her feelings that she had stopped meeting the other mothers at the park. Bewildered by her unexpected state of mind, she did her best to hide it from everyone, including her husband. Once she acknowledged what insecurities and problems she was afraid of, we were able to work on dealing with them. She diligently did the homework I assigned and made lists of other times she had experienced the kind of anxiety related to things that were 'supposed' to be happy, exciting and wonderful. We created action plans which she could use if any of the problems she imagined actually occurred. When she finally explained her shifting behavior to her husband, he laughed. He reminded her when she had been such a nervous and frightened bride that as they grew closer to the day of their wedding, she had spoken to him on two separate occasions about canceling or postponing the marriage - indefinitely. Some people wonder why good events would provoke such strong reactions of sadness or depression. I have learned, most simply, nothing in this world is 100% good. Everything has its opposite. Each positive a negative. Moving to a new house house means leaving old friends, commuting to work, and perhaps one dreaded day having to fix a leaky roof. Each job promotion may mean more money, but it is a trip to the unknown. Or the strain of learning new things, getting to know new people, often adjusting to a new boss, new location, new hours. Are you finally getting what you want? What you really want? Have always wanted? Getting what you want often demands dramatic changes in your life, and change can often be accompanied by intense feelings of anxiety and fear - perfectly natural feelings. In our hearts, we become dependent on things remaining as they are, familiar and permanent. But change, remember, is growth, and growth involves growing pains of all kinds. Just take the time to sort them out, as Helga did, and you'll be fine. I would be happy to work wih you on any changes that you may be going through. Call me at (212) 472-4585 or email me at mailto:Muriel@HaberResources.com to arrange a free consultation.
Although I won't always have this category, it's here because this is where you will find announcements of teleclasses. Some free, others not. There will also be announcements of other things such as a new Free Item on my website, a great new or newly discovered book or article by another author. Here is where I just might list a new thought that I'd love you to know about - to ponder, consider, relate to. Today I am simply here to report to you that I have listed a new topic called 'Stress-Free Living' on my web site, http://www.HaberResources.com. Here is where I will be writing about what stress does to us, why it happens, and tips on how to reduce or better yet eliminate it. Stress is so often the cause of our problems as well as the result of them that it really can't be ignored.
Today's Stress Tip is going to be short and very simple. You are invited to make it as long as you need to by sending me questions and/or suggestions pertaining to this Tip. One of my major Stress Tips is to
Plan Everything!
Still feeling stressed? Check out my new Stress-Free Living section at my website.
Did You Know? Most restful sleep If you're so pressed for time that you can only afford to sleep for four hours, go to bed after midnight. Studies at Stanford University suggest that early-morning sleep is more
restful, The early-morning trick could see you through one hectic time, but can't replace a full night's sleep. Ongoing sleep deprivation is dangerous If not you, then who? Have you ever really thought about who's going to give you that extra little push? Hire you, reccommend you for that job opening? Promote your new book? Well, if you didn't already know it, the answer is You. Self promotion: If you don't, who will? Stanley Bing is a funny guy. The Fortune columnist has the knack of cutting to the heart of an issue, writing things that are very true but often overlooked, and making you laugh at the same time. Lately, he says his e-mails seem to have three main topics: Does he want to go to Africa and collect the inheritance of a native chief? Does he want bigger body parts? And how does a person get ahead in today's crazy world? Bing ignores the first two and replies to the third question. He says the way to get ahead in this supercharged world of work is to have a strategy of 'calm, resolute, and shameless self-promotion.' He says you should ask 'If I don't promote myself, who will? The answer is nobody. To prove his point, he goes on to give critics' great reviews of his new novel, You Look Nice Today, his entertaining take on workplace gender wars, and The Big Bing, a collection of his columns. It works. You have to know he's great after reading the reviews. Promoting yourself might seem a little difficult at first. Try to do it in tasteful ways, but don't be shy. Example: Instead of saying the process or program works, say the process you developed works. It can't hurt and might do you good to remind people that this was your idea. People forget. Will they be alienated by your self-promotion? It's possible, especially if you're overbearing about it. It's your call - being invisible could be worse. Some of my favorite quotes Any idiot can face a crisis - it's this day-to-day living that wears
you out. The way things are is not the way things have to be.
This ezine is published by Muriel Haber,
a life coach who helps people reinvent themselves
during dramatic life change. Copyright 2004 Haber Resources, Inc. All rights reserved. |
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